Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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