k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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