Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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