dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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