Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
