Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
