I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
