I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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