Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
