so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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