Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
