I wish my penis had an off switch
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
