I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
