you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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