not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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