i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
