i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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