im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
