God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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