I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
