i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
