What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
