Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
