Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
