Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
