He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
