it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
