No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You're like the curious george of whores
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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