Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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