and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
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