i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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