She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
