CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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