like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize