Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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