I'm really into asian looking animals
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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