when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
