I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
