He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
