Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
