Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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