I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
