I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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