I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
