its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
