nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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