I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
