Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
