Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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