I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
