I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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