Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
