Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
