My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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