pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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