nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
