he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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