I hate all girls vehemently.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
