I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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