I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
