Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
