My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
