I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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