Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.