i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."