apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"