hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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