Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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