We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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