yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
