okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
