LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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