i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
