Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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