i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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