CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
